This is something that happened when you were five, in your first year of school. You and your classmates were very invested in who had lost a tooth yet; at five, gappy teeth is a milestone on the road to adulthood that you were fiercely proud of.
At the time that this story takes place, you had already lost three teeth. Only one other girl in the class could boast that, and she was already six, so you were very proud. Your best friend, on the other hand, hadn’t lost any despite being only two weeks younger than you. She was happy for you when you lost your first, slightly sad when you lost your second, and when you lost your third she spent a week trying to manually wobble her own teeth right out of her head.
One day, she told you that her tooth was finally a little bit wobbly. At the end of the day, sitting on the mat listening to a story, you looked down and saw something small and white. You were so excited for her that you picked it up and gave it to her; L, look! Your tooth has fallen out! And you didn’t even notice! L was so thrilled. Her first missing tooth! She held it aloft and squealed, and your classmates clustered around her, and you were so happy that your friend had finally lost her tooth that neither she nor you actually stopped to see if there was a gap in her mouth.
Her mother came to pick her up, and she ran to her, waving the white thing aloft. Mummy, mummy, my tooth came out! All in one day, it got wobbly and came out all in one day and I didn’t even feel it! And you ran up to her as well; it’s true, L’s mum, it did, it really did, I found the tooth on the ground and L didn’t even know!
And her mother stopped, and looked carefully at her daughter. There was, of course, no gap. Gently, she asked ‘but, darling, if you didn’t feel it coming out of your mouth…?’.
‘I know!’ cried L, exultant. ‘It must have come out of my VAGINA!’.